Chart: A Criminal’s Guide to Fighting Batman

batmanfightchartWas watching Tim Burton’s Batman (1987) for some reason and wondered why people fighting Batman waste their time hitting the body and don’t go straight for the face.

Even in his fetish rubber, hitting Batman to the body will cost you more energy and effort than the benefits you receive.

In more recent suits, the kevlar pretty much makes him indestructible. And so is his cowl.

Unless you’re Bane, close enough to slip a shiv in the rib cage or using high-impact explosives, pretty much everything else is ineffective. As a rule, even the eyes have covers (in the comics, at least … and, I know, in some comics continuity Batman has a thin face cover, too, but that pretty much blows the whole idea of the post so back off, fanboy!). However, if there are no eye covers, consider a Three Stooges eye poke. Just pray you’re quick enough to avoid the karate hand block.

So, with that in mind, here are a few quick tips if you ever find yourself in a fight with Batman:

  1. In a fistfight, aim for the mouth (not the chin, not the nose … tooth damage is what we’re looking for)
  2. If you have it, try pepper spray in the mouth (he probably has nose plugs)
  3. If you have a gun, aim for the lower face
  4. If using a blow gun, try for the lower cheek
  5. If in close, try putting hands inside the mouth and pulling sideways
  6. If possible, pull lips

None of these things will likely work, however, you never know if you don’t try. So, feel free to use these and report back on what works and what doesn’t.

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