Off-topic movie review: Jack Reacher

JACK REACHER

Have you ever wondered what Ethan Hunt does when IMF doesn’t need him? Well, he lives a Bruce Banner/Kung Fu/Jules Winnfield existence as Jack Reacher and takes on missions that are, well, impossible.

And that is basically the movie “Jack Reacher.”

Although, as I now know, the character is based on a book series by Jim Grant/Lee Child, so the analogy may be more complex than that.

As I was reading about the literary character Reacher, though, this passage popped up:

Reacher is 6′ 5″ tall (1.96 m) with a 50-inch chest, and weighing between 210 and 250 pounds (100–115 kg). He has ice-blue eyes and dirty blond hair. He has very little body fat, and his muscular physique is completely natural … He is exceptionally strong, has a high stamina, but is not a good runner.

That got me thinking. So here’s the tale of the tape:

  • Reacher is 6-foot-5. 210-250 pounds. Tom Cruise is listed at 5-foot-7 and 169 pounds.
  • Reacher has ice-blue eyes and dirty blond hair. Tom Cruise has green eyes and blond hair so dirty, you could say it’s brown.
  • Reacher has very little body fat and his muscular physique is completely natural. Cruise has very little body fat and works out every day and at one time, limited himself to 1,200 calories.
  • Reacher is exceptionally strong, has a high stamina, but is not a good runner. Cruise is exceptionally strong, has a high stamina, and is the best darn runner in Hollywood.

According to the tale of the tape, then, seeing Tom as Jack is a bit of a reach … er … snicker-snicker … snort …

(Insert groan in comment section.)

OK, that was a long way to go for a corny joke, but one could argue that there is no distance too far for a corny joke.

But that would be a little off-topic …

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