Hershey’s Miniatures is one of the all-time disappointing snacks in the history of chocolate. Oh, sure, they bring you in with their political-correct message of inclusiveness, but we all know that by the bottom of the bag you’re left sifting through the crappy bars you don’t want, silently cursing their existence.
Even though you’ll get an even number of each of the four bars, not all the chocolate is created equal. Here’s how these four bars stack up against each other
1. Hershey’s Chocolate Bar: This plain old chocolate bar proves why it’s the best of the bag time and time again. Its chocolate unencumbered by contrivances and gimmicks. This is always the first to go, making it top of the Miniature kingdom.
2. Mr. Goodbar: Though not as good as the Chocolate Bar by any measure, Mr. Goodbar is a solid second banana. I call it the poor man’s peanut M & Ms. Mr. Goodbar is the Oates to the Chocolate Bar’s Hall.
3. Krackel: If Mr. Goodbar is Oates, Krackel is Andrew Ridgeley to Chocolate Bar’s George Michael. If you eat enough Krackel’s — WHAM! — you’ll get that Peanut Butter Captain Crunch effect to the roof of your mouth. And while pain is acceptable in a breakfast cereal, it’s not in a snack bar.
4. Special Dark: You know in grade school, they have those “special” classes? Or, that kid in gym class who always gets picked last? Well … there you go. Special Dark is that awkward hasn’t-grown-into-his-skin kind of bar. Sure, they tell you that “dark” chocolate is supposed to be the “good” chocolate, but if you want to eat chocolate, you’ve already ceded the “good” label. Am I wrong?
So that’s how the four Hershey Miniatures stack up: the top dog, a moustache, an also-ran and that kid from gym class.
How would you rank your Hershey Miniatures eating habit?