Off-topic movie review: New Moon

Saw the Over-Actors Anonymous production that was New Moon at the cheap theater recently. Maybe what they say is true: Vampires aren’t the only thing that suck.

Now, full (moon) confession: I didn’t see the first film, nor have I read any of the books. So, I may have missed some of the nuance, but here are some thoughts:

  • Werewolves, it seems, look better without their shirts on than vampires.
  • The movie would have been over about 10 minutes sooner if the pale one would have moved at a normal pace. Sheesh, he moved slower than Walter Brennan during a sudden cold snap (that’s a reference for the really hip and/or the really old; I’ll let you decide which).

    Walter Brennan

  • About halfway through the movie, about the time the girl and the cute one (not the pale one) are on the beach, I had this sinking feeling. it was the same feeling I got at the end of Season 2 of Prison Break. Do you remember that? The guy spent two whole seasons working his way out of jail in Illinois only to find yourself BACK in jail in Central America? Are you kidding me?

Well, that’s the same feeling I got. The pale one left her and just when she starts to feel better about herself, she finds herself BACK in the same situation with the hairy one. Are you kidding me? What kind of a sap do you mistake me for?

oh … the kind of sap who watched the first two seasons of Prison Break … the kind of sap who pays for movies they know are sketch …You know, this kind of sap.

But, then again, that may be a little off topic.


2 thoughts on “Off-topic movie review: New Moon

  1. HA HA HA! I like your review for not having read the books or seeing Twilight- and I love that you put the word “sketch” on blast! I have spent most of the morning at work catching up on your blog posts- morning well spent.
    I need to stop laughing out loud though, my co-workers keep looking in my office.

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