Off-topic movie review: Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

Saw Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star on the “Available on DVD by Christmas” Tour recently.

It was mindless, base,  fratty, and off-color. It was 3 a.m., up-all-night stupid. It was deviant. It was what it was. Oddly enough, though, I giggled at this more than Crazy, Stupid Love, and I’m not sure what that says about me.

I wondered what the people at XXX Church thought, since the movie reflects a continuing mainstreaming of the porn industry. I wonder what Iowans thought about the movie. I wondered about peanut butter. I wondered if Kevin Nealon was really acting, or if he just naturally shouts profanity on cue. I wondered how I would react if I ever saw my pare— … wait, no I didn’t. And I refuse to. Then I made a top 5 list:

The Top 5 Taglines for the DVD release of Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star:

1. Bucky Larson: It’s How Adam Sandler Channels Napolean Dynamite. Except with Porn.
2. Bucky Larson: A Love Song for Iowa.
3. Bucky Larson: It’s like Happy Gilmore, except with different clubs and balls.
4. Bucky Larson: If Adam Sandler were Quentin Tarantino, Don Johnson would be John Travolta.
5. Bucky Larson: It’s a Happy Madison Production, so at least there’s boobs.

Off-topic movie review: Bridesmaids (redux)

Well … at least we know what happened to Jake Ryan after graduation. He became a police officer in Milwaukee.

At least that’s what I thought after watching Bridesmaids.

I know I’ve already off-topically reviewed the movie once, but it turns out there was something else to note.

Did anyone else catch the 16 Candles ending? The bridesmaid heroine is standing alone, after a wedding, she looks up … poof … here’s the hero.

The great thing about being old and quasi-movie literate is that it’s easy to catch an homage (and I’m calling it an “homage,” not “rip-off”). Of course, the bad thing about being old and quasi-literate is that sometimes trying to catch the odd reference gets in the way.

But, that’s OK. And horribly off-topic.

Otherwise, Bridesmaids pretty much lives up to whatever you’ve read about it. Maybe a budding genre of chick gross-out comedies is on the way. Complete with street-pooping and sub sandwich role play.

Anyway, what other 80s teen movie should get an homage? Hiding Out?

Off-topic movie review: No Strings Attached

Saw No Strings Attached recently, the movie in which Natalie Portman continues to slut it up, although this time it’s with a man. Well, Ashton Kutcher.

Two clues about this movie:

• the opening joke, the big joke that should pave the way for all the other laughs, is a 12-year-old shy boy asking a girl if he can finger her …
• the only butt you see is Ashton Kutcher’s …

I’ll leave the interpretation of those clues to you.

No Strings Attached tries to walk the line between the politically incorrect, gross-out comedy (The Hangover) and straight romantic comedy (insert Rom-Com of choice here). Instead, it careens wildly and unevenly, like a drunk in search of a lay (which is pretty much the point of the movie).

Imagine that Sam, the lovable, quirky girl from Garden State, grew up to be a doctor. Except a lot more promiscuous.

Oh Sam … what happened to you?

I’ll tell you what happened: Wes Anderson.

Yep, Wes Anderson and his 13-minute experimental Hotel Chevalier, the prologue (poo-logue?) to The Darjeeling Limited.

You, Wes Anderson, were the first to film her nude. Now look at her. She’s sexing it up all over the place. Look at what you’ve done to little Queen Amidala.

I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Off-topic movie review: Green Hornet

Can’t really understand why people hated this eye-candy so much. Maybe it was too light-hearted. Maybe it didn’t take the hero origin story seriously. So what?

I guess it proves the power of the fanboy lobby.

But here’s the thing: in a pivotal part of the movie, Seth Rogen apparently uses a digital audio device to capture the villain confessing to crimes. The digital audio supposedly goes straight to USB.

Rogen and Harold (or is it Mr. Sulu?) must then race to the newspaper office to upload the audio from the USB to the newspaper’s website. Apparently one can only do this from a newspaper computer.

This explains why newspapers are rapidly fading away.

After all, isn’t there an app for that? (Yes … and it’s 99 cents.) I mean, can’t most smart phones capture audio and then upload the mp3 to a website? Why run back to the office?

One would at least expect the car, with all its bells and whistles, to be capable of it. I mean, it does have a fax machine AND a turntable. Those are modern, useful technologies, right?

But, then again, maybe it’s truer than we’d care to admit. Newspapers are one or two steps behind the technology curve, right?

At least the audio plot point propels the movie to its climactic scenes. (A-ha! … maybe that’s the point!)

Other notes:

• Kato is pretty much the Asian Tony Stark (with the fighting prowess of Batman thrown in). In this sense, the hero/sidekick dynamic is turned on its head, and Green Hornet is reduced to Hong Kong Phooey..
• Cameron Diaz gets made fun of for being old at 36. Which is another reason to hate Seth Rogen.
• I thought I spotted Dave Grohl and the kid from Terminator 2.
• and Edward James Olmos stands and delivers.

So let’s see … a superhero movie that makes fun of superheroes, uses outdated technology to propel the story and makes fun of old people who really aren’t that old …

What’s not to love?

Off-topic movie review: Tron: Legacy (redux)

Saw Tron: Legacy again last night in the cheap theater. Although the movie has already been the subject of an off-topic review, there were some more thoughts swimming in the old noodle.

First off, it seems that someone missed a licensing opportunity by not producing trading cards. The original Tron trading set is still actively bought and sold, so it would make sense that there would be interest in the sequel.

The fact that is wasn’t speaks to two things:

• the high price of licensing, and
• the dismal state of non-sport trading cards.

<Insert sound of nerd sighing here>

Secondly, did everyone catch the Apple computer on the son’s desk in the opening scenes? The computer is either this one:

(a Macintosh SE, produced from 1987-1989), or it’s this one:

(the Macintosh SE FD, produced from 1989 to 1990).

Since the scene is set in 1989, it could theoretically be either, although to be the SE FD was introduced in late 1989, so it would’ve had to be brand spanking new. One could speculate that the model in the movie is older than either of these two models (the Macintosh Plus in 1986 for example), but the movie computer seemed to be a beige model, which would eliminate those options.