Random of the Day: Don’t Stop Believing

Had someone who is much cooler and in tune with things send me this.

It seems to straddle the line between “random” and “awesome.” Would that make it “ransome” … “awedom” … “randawe” … ?

Anyway, without cheating, how many movies can you pick out?

How to run fast like Tom Cruise

I’m not sure if Tom Cruise is the fastest celebrity alive, but he certainly looks like it, which, I guess, is half the battle.

Now, that movie magic can be yours! In just four easy steps, you, too, can look like you’re running as fast as Tom Cruise.

• Step 1: Karate chop hands. Nothing says “Quick” like slicing your way through the air. Keep fingers extended during running and negate extra friction that hinders other “fist”-runners.
• Step 2: Tippy-toes. Not only does running on your tip toes make you raise your knees (which looks faster), it doesn’t sound as loud as those slower, full-footed runners. That fft-fft-fft sound from your tip-toes is softer and makes you seem quicker.
• Step 3: Elbow action. Alternating tight with flailing elbows serves two purposes. First, they keep the karate chop hands moving, mesmerizing the viewer. Secondly, they get caught in your untucked shirt or blazer. This secondary action forces the tail of the shirt or blazer to shuffle from side to side, making it seem like your clothes are having a hard time catching up. You’ll be literally outrunning your clothes.
• Step 4: Grimace. Running fast is hard work — look like it. The strain on your face echoes the strain your muscles are experiencing as they slice through the air and stay ahead of your shirt tail. Try out running grimaces in the mirror in order to find the most effective look of strain for you.

There you have it. Practice each of these four easy steps in your home during commercials and, in no time at all, people will ask you how to outrun a sandstorm or stay ahead of the mob or make it through a barren Times Square in a flash or leave Pre-Crime Officers in the dust or whiz past blood-sucking aliens or … well, you get the picture.

 

Off-topic movie review: War Horse

War Horse is like Forrest Gump

• he runs fast,
• he’s in a war,
• he gets into unlikely adventures;

and The Black Stallion, assuming that The Black Stallion was actually brown and took place during World War I.

Of course that would mean that the boy in the story would be Jenny, except instead of contracting HIV, Jenny is nearly blinded by Mustard Gas and instead of dying, the two literally ride away from the sunset at the end. I guess the metaphor kind of breaks down a bit …

The sunset, however, could make it a western … but that may be a little off-topic.

Off-topic movie review: Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol

The thing about Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol is that each stunt or plot turn gets a little more outrageous, requiring a bigger leap in your suspension of disbelief in order to stay with it.

At each turn, you have the option of opting out, or saying, “Sure, whatever, what the heck … why not?”

So, early in the movie, when you accept that a shirtless Tom Cruise uses his belt to zip down the telephone wire onto the top of the speeding truck, roll off the side, and crash onto the pavement without so much as a bloody elbow  — or without further damaging his mild concussion — it makes it easier to accept the fact that, at the end of the movie, he is able to drive a high-end sedan off the edge of a rotating parking garage in Dubai, crash onto the concrete floor below, crawl out of the broken window and still have time to stop a nuclear missile from exploding in San Francisco (oops, spoiler alert!).

Not only do we accept it … we enjoy it.

And that’s the magic of movies.

But that could be a little off topic …

Off-topic movie review: Joyful Noise

Joyful Noise is a Glee for old Christians so they can feel hip.

Which is, you know, cool because it means there’s a market for that. I guess.

Remember in the movie 9 to 5 when we used to say “That Dolly Parton sure is a piece of work.”?

Well, now we say, “That Dolly Parton sure has had a piece of work.”

Bless her heart.

But that’s a little off-topic.